Howard Stern Show Recap - Monday

A SMALL WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY
Howard began this morning commenting he received a number of compliments on Gary’s roast last Thursday, and added that he saw “Borat” the same day and thought it was hilarious. This led Howard to point out he’d heard “Borat” was getting a limited release on Friday, and Robin replied the decision was made because its backers weren’t sure how well it would do in “middle America.” Howard figured “Borat” would be successful by word-of-mouth just like “Napoleon Dynamite,” and recalled that, when he was making “Private Parts,” experts told him that a film was considered a bomb if it didn’t do well on its opening weekend. Although Robin insisted some films – including “The Blair Witch Project” and “American Beauty” – didn’t fit that bill, Howard assured her he was right on the matter.
YA DON’T KNOW WHAT YA GOT…
A caller said how much he enjoyed listening to the Gary roast, which led Howard to talk about a Blog entry written by a guy named, Glen Boyd that he’d seen about the free two-day preview last week. In the piece, which Howard read, Glen noted how much he’d missed the show as soon as he tuned in to the free preview on Wednesday, while also reporting some figures suggested millions of people listened on those mornings. Howard went on to read that Glen admitted he found it difficult listening to the show as it finished its run on KROCK because Howard sounded so exhausted, but also wrote that he was planning on subscribing to SIRIUS after hearing it in its revitalized form. While on the topic, Howard played some news footage that ran on ABC last week following the aborted Pete Townshend interview. When it was done, Artie pointed out that, while he thought most people would have forgotten about the charges against Pete had he gone through with the interview, the publicity he got by not talking about it himself had people talking about it all the more.
TOO HOT FOR THE INTERNET
Howard read an article from Saturday’s edition of the New York Post, which said an unidentified man created a Website called NiggaSpace.com, and was being criticized for it because of its use of the n-word. After Howard explained that, according to the story, the man made the site in order to “change the connotation of the word,” Benjy visited the site and claimed he was already feeling different about the word. Artie said he used to want to buy “all offensive domain names” – like “killalljews.com” – and then sell them to the highest bidders, but never got around to it.
FOOTBALL POOL RESULTS WEEK 8
Howard announced the following standings after this week’s games: • Crazy Alice dropped to 5-3 when her pick of the Denver Broncos lost to the Indianapolis Colts. • Big Foot also lost, moving him to 3-3-2, because the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who were getting nine points against the New York Giants, lost 17-3. • Artie, 3-5, won when his pick of the Green Bay Packers covered the three-and-a-half points they were giving to the Arizona Cardinals, winning 31-14. • Elegant Elliott Offen also improved to 3-5 because his pick, the Kansas Chiefs, who were giving the Seattle Seahawks six points, won 35-28. Artie noted it was going to be “a fun Thursday” this week because this was the first weekend he’d won his game and Alice lost hers.
ONE THUMB WAY DOWN
Howard mentioned he and Beth decided to rent a movie yesterday and chose “Bee Season” based on the design of the DVD cover. After Robin laughed at the selection and noted that “no one had seen the movie,” Howard acknowledged it was “an abomination.” Howard then tried to explain the plot of “Bee Season,” but couldn’t do it, he even asked Robin to watch it so she could tell him what happened in it, a request she declined. Robin said she had the exact opposite experience with a movie this weekend, noting she felt the one she saw, “The Prestige,” was “a great movie.”
NO RESPECT NORTH OF THE BORDER
When a caller revealed he was calling from Canada, Howard remembered how he was fired from both Quebec and Toronto during his KROCK days, even though he was number one in the ratings in both markets. This led Artie to comment he knew people from Toronto who used to listen to the show on the Buffalo station that carried it. After hearing that, Howard noted the remark was a testament to just how bad terrestrial radio was, explaining that people would rather listen to the show on a weak signal from across the border than to any of their own city’s stations.
AS VICIOUS AS PROMISED
Captain Janks called in to say how fun it was to see Gary’s roast on Howard TV, and that one of the highlights was watching Jackie Martling and Fred working together once again. Fred responded by noting Jackie first approached him via e-mail about doing the song they did, but they eventually began working out the details on the phone. Howard then played some highlights from the roast, adding that some viewers commented they thought Jackie looked “sick” on the show, even though Artie thought he looked “healthier than ever.”
Before he got to clips of Sal’s roast routine, including a few comments about Beth, Robin referred to Sal “as a phony” because he was nice to Beth’s face but attacked her behind her back. Sal then came into the studio and admitted he tried to be as brutal as he could during the roast, but that he wasn’t trying to upset Beth in the process but instead was trying to get under Howard’s skin.
Howard proceeded to get Beth on the line, and she reported she was getting ready for work on Thursday when she heard some of Sal’s jokes about her. Beth next assured Howard she could “take it,” but also acknowledged she thought Sal was a better friend than that, and that hearing his remarks made her “sad.” Sal then attempted to explain his jokes and why he used them, but, as usual, only dug himself deeper. When Beth blamed Howard for picking “Bee Season” to watch over the weekend, Howard joked that Sal should keep roasting Beth. But when Sal made a horse noise, Beth hung up on him, so Howard called him and asshole and kicked him out of the studio.
CLOSE TO MISSING ITS DEBUT
While Gary attempted to get Beth back on the phone, Robin reported she’d heard he forgot to bring in the master copy of “The Bitter Half” which he had brought home the day before it was scheduled to air, and that they had to “scramble” to get the show on the air because of it. Gary then came into the studio and noted he couldn’t get in touch with Beth before explaining that he didn’t realize the version of “The Bitter Half” he was given last Tuesday was the master copy, but he was able to find a duplicate right away – so there was never really any problem.
THE DICE MAN ROASTETH
The Rev. Bob Levy, the man responsible for organizing the roasts, called in to say he liked the idea of roasting Andrew Dice Clay next, and Howard said he “loved” the idea. Gary then explained he and Bob discussed roasting someone close to the show but not actually on the show for the next ceremony, which was why they wanted to go with Dice. Gary went on to say he planned on arranging for the roast to occur sometime around Christmas, and also wondered if Howard thought George Takei could handle being roasted if they asked him. Although Howard
didn’t think George would be a good roastee because “he was too sweet a guy,” Artie pointed out George laughed off all the jokes made at his expense at the recent roast of William Shatner, so he had a different opinion on the matter.
MORE LOVE REPORTS FROM ARTIE
Artie claimed he and Dana didn’t see each other over the weekend, adding there was “no real thing to report.” Although Artie said he and Dana talked on the phone recently, he again insisted they weren’t back together, despite Robin’s feeling that there was more to the story than he was revealing. When Howard asked Artie what his grandmother – who Artie said last week tried to help him through his relationship with Dana – was thinking nowadays, he responded he hadn’t discussed the topic with her in awhile.
After Howard did his impressions of Artie, Dana and Artie’s grandmother having a conversation, Artie said he wasn’t interested in any woman other than Dana, and that he was trying to work out their relationship with her.
DON’T MESS WITH THE PRESIDENT
Howard had the comedian, Paul Mooney, in the studio to talk about how Time Warner stopped taping one of his performances at the Apollo recently because of jokes he made at the expense of President Bush during it. Paul began his story by saying he was working with Whoopi Goldberg at the time, but got sidetracked and mentioned that he was thrown off Buck Wild’s radio show earlier this month because he mentioned Howard’s name on the program and how Howard “had his back” throughout his career. This led Howard to say he ran into Michael J. Fox over the weekend, and he also thanked him repeatedly for the on-air support he gave him last week in regard to the comments Rush Limbaugh made about him.
Paul then got back to his Apollo controversy, and reported he said onstage the night in question that he could prove the president was “the devil” because “George” “Walker” “Bush Jr.” all had six letters which he figured as a sign of 666, while adding he also took shots at his inability to find Osama bin Laden or weapons of mass destruction, as well as some at his mother. Paul then said he was instructed to stop his act right in the middle of it, and that he was initially told it would be edited, but the decision was overturned. Paul noted he didn’t necessarily think the decision to cut him off had to do with his race, but instead was a result of the freedoms he felt this country has lost since September 11, 2001.
ALWAYS KEEPING IT CLEAN
Paul commented that he has never done drugs, even though he worked with many comedians who did during his career. Paul then remembered Richard Pryor and some of his friends used to do drugs with $100 bills, and, when they were done, he’d wipe off the money and keep it. Paul also claimed Richard never liked Chevy Chase, and that he was nervous that Eddie Murphy didn’t like him. However, Paul added he asked Eddie about his feelings toward Richard, and Eddie assured him he had nothing but respect for Richard. Paul next said he wrote a number of well-known sketches when he worked as a writer on “Saturday Night Live,” but that he didn’t mind the lack of recognition he got for his efforts because “everyone on the show was high” at the time. As Paul continued to talk about the drug use he saw amongst his comedian friends, he also mentioned Richard had a number of sexual conquests in his day, and named a few very interesting women. Although Howard wondered if Paul was making these statements without proof, Paul insisted he knew for a fact Richard had slept with these women, before eventually “taking back” all his comments because he did not have proof.
HEARING IT FROM THE LISTENERS
Ralph called in and said Paul was “a great guest” before asking which other famous women Richard had been with, but Paul dismissed the question. Another caller informed Paul if he was worried about being censored at comedy clubs, he should now be more concerned about the backlash making the allegations he made this morning will bring. When another caller referred to Paul as “radio gold” and pointed out he should do his own show on SIRIUS, Howard replied he’d like to talk to Paul about the idea, and Paul said they could go to dinner to discuss the possibility. A final caller asked Paul what he thought of Dave Chappelle’s decision to leave “The Chappelle Show,” a program for which Paul wrote, and he responded it was a decision he had to make for his own well-being.
FACE TIME FOR TICKETS
Howard announced that he had a pair of tickets to tomorrow night’s Rolling Stones concert at the Beacon Theatre in New York, but he wasn’t sure if he should give
them to a fan or one of his friends. One of the people who wanted the seats, Steve the Intern, then came into the studio and explained he loved the band but couldn’t afford the $300 it would cost him to attend the show, so he
was hoping to be given the tickets. Richard and Sal proceeded to come into the studio and Richard said he wanted to slap his penis on Steve’s face while Sal proposed placing his
testicles over Steve’s eyes for the seats. After hearing his choices, Steve went with Richard’s offer, and, after it was done, Steve said it was “worth it” because he really wanted to see the Stones “before Keith Richard dies.”
Artie went on to ask if he could have Steve’s other ticket to the show, and he replied he could. Artie then mentioned he’d pay for everything before the concert, including a limo and dinner.
FROM SHY TO PORN STAR
Howard mentioned a porno star, Justine Joli, stopped by unannounced, and that he was letting her in the studio because of how attractive Gary said she was. Once in, Justine told Howard she didn’t like her body when she was 19, but got involved in the industry when a porn director and his girlfriend approached when she was working at a mall and promised her a modeling job. Justine added she was dropped off at the man’s house by her mom that night, and that the man asked her right away if she was interested in porn, which she
acknowledged she didn’t know. Justine also said, though, that, when the man suggested she make out with his girlfriend while he took pictures of it, she did just that, and that she felt “more comfortable” with herself following the encounter.
WOULD HE OR WOULDN’T HE?
After hearing Justine’s story, Howard asked Artie if he could ever date a porn star, and he claimed he could, as long as she
was right for him. However, Artie also pointed out he wouldn’t be comfortable with his girlfriend’s porn star career, and that he’d try to talk her into quitting if they
dated for an extended period. When Justine said she only did women on film, Howard commented he’d still have a problem with that if it involved his girlfriend, explaining he’d take issue with anyone – regardless of gender – giving her that kind of pleasure.
ANOTHER SYBIAN SUCCESS STORY
Justine acknowledged that she and
her mother don’t discuss her career very much, and then agreed to ride the Sybian. Before
Justine got to that, though, she
reported her manager, Leah, was interested in Artie, but he replied he didn’t want to take her out
because he was still working
things out with Dana. Justine then got on the machine, and was brought to an orgasm that Howard noted caused her “her feet to lift off the ground” while she sat on the Sybian.
OUT OF THIS WORLD
Howard got to clips from last week’s Riley Martin show of Riley confronting a few callers trying to prank him and scolded his producer for a mistake he made on the air. Riley also noted people with “alternative lifestyles” did nothing to change “the numerical value of the human species” before inexplicably turning the topic to Madonna, saying he’d like to be her son, especially if it meant being rescued from “Bum Scratch Africa.” Howard also played a message Blue Iris left for Artie, in which she said she missed him and attempted to have a conversation with him, even though she was speaking to the voicemail system at the time.
MORE RELATIONSHIP TALK WITH ARTIE
Artie eventually admitted he was “probably” still in love with Dana, which he said was the reason he kept turning down potential dates. Artie then asked Howard if he had a particular woman in mind who he wanted to date after his divorce, which he acknowledged he did, but he ended up contacting the woman in question. Artie went on to note he and Dana recently slept together, and wasn’t sure what this meant in regard to their relationship. However, Artie added, as much fun as he still has with Dana at times, there are also situations that make him realize why they broke up in the first place. Although Artie said his biggest reason for not pursuing other women was Dana, he admitted another part of it was that he was heavier than he’d ever been, a fact he mentioned affected his confidence in a negative way. Ralph called in to ask if Artie was secretly having sex with other women and just not sharing the stories, but Howard didn’t think that was the case. Artie reiterated that he has not been with anyone else lately, and again said his weight was a reason he couldn’t talk to new women because of how it affected his self esteem.
FRED’S BODY GUARD
During Robin’s news, Crazy Alice called in to ask Fred if he had considered getting into acting after leaving radio, but he replied “Hollywood wasn’t knocking down his door,” no matter how much he’d like to be an actor. Artie then pointed out that Alice lost in this week’s football pool, and she (very loudly) assured him that “he wasn’t going to win” the contest. As the shouting match between Artie and Alice continued, Alice warned him not to hurt Fred, explaining she “had nothing to lose” if he did. Alice then said she was going to call an animal rights group because it wasn’t legal for people to have sex with animals, and noted Dana could therefore get in trouble for being with Artie, who she compared to a gorilla. Alice went on to threaten Artie with a lawsuit because she got in trouble recently with her landlord because of how loud she was on the phone while talking to him. Alice next screamed the reasons why she thought she had a legitimate court case against Artie before referring to herself as both thinner than him and “pretty.”
HowardStern.com