We are live from Miami, your hosts are Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry the King and Joey Styles.
Again Carlos and Huego are talking very fast.
Cruiserweight Title match - Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London vs. Gregory Helms - everyone gangs up on Helms early on as he is a renegade from Raw while the others reside on Smackdown. Fun match with lots of spots. London does a shooting star off the top onto 4 guys on the floor and not a single one catches him. Helms wins with a shining wizard on Funaki. after tossing Noble out of the ring.
Backstage Teddy Long is with Vince. Teddy says he's here to help Vince supervise but Vince says he's got it and Teddy takes his leave. The hopper with all the RR numbers is surrounded by 3 divas I don't know. They all look the same. Randy Orton enters and pulls his number. He looks happy. HHH enters and draws his number. He tells Orton he's going to win the RR. Hunter looks displeased with his draw, Orton says he's screwed.
Trish is warming up to ref her match and Mickie James trys to talk to her but she says she has to go. Mickie says wait, she has something important to say. She says she loves her. Trish exits and I puke.
Mickei James vs. Ashley - special referee Trish Stratus - I assume this will suck. They tie up and roll all the way to the outside, I assume because Ashley doesn't know how to do anything else. As Ashley works over the arm Joey Styles tells us she is becoming quite a wrestling superstar and god kills a kitten. Slow boring and shitty. Mickie powerbombs Ashley out of the corner for the win. Tries to celebrate with Trish but she'll have none of it.
Commercial for WrestleMania 22.
Gregory Helms is in the WWE Instant Access area, whatever that is.
Backstage Vince is being creepy with the Divas as usual, Big Show arrives and draws his number. Rey enters and Show says its cool that Rey is dedicating tonight to Eddie. Rey draws and isn't pleased.
JBL w/Jillian Hall vs. The Boogeyman - this will suck (as well). JBL hides behind Hall, throws her to him and powders to the outside. Boogie spits worms on her and Bradshaw jumps him from behind. Boogie gets the win with a pumphandle powerslam. Match couldn't have been over 3 minutes. Not sure if he was no selling or just doesn't know any better.
Backstage in the draw area Shelton and his momma draw their number, and he looks happy. Shelton says he's gonna throw Shawn Michaels over the top rope. Melina arrives and wishes Benjamin good luck but momma drags him away. MNM draw their numbers. They both look indecisive.
The Royal Rumble Match - I'll do my best to keep up. Cool video montage explaining all the mini-dramas in the Rumble. Lillian goes over the rules but is interrupted by the Spirit Squad. Apparently they have a Rumble cheer which is extremely lame. Lillian finishes going over the rules.
#1 is HHH and is followed up by Rey Misterio at #2. Rey uses his speed to take it to HHH. Simon Dean is #3. Dean attacks a prone Rey but is cut off by HHH and he and Rey team up and oust Nova. Out next is Psicosis. He walks to the ring, I figure he'd have a car..... Rey and Psi team up a little on HHH but it doesn't last long. Psi tries to crucifix powerbomb Rey over the top but its reversed into a huracanrana and Psi is out.
Out next is the Nature Boy. He and HHH hook it up immediatly and brawl away. It doesn't last long as Flair gets backdropped over the top and out. Big Show is out next. Show goes right for Hunter. Out next is Coach (?). He goes after Show and is tossed out immediatly. Up next is Lashley. He and show eye each other up and they go at it. #9 is Kane. Kane and Lashley slug it out. Lashley beats down everyone! #11 is Sylvan Grenier. He goes after Lashley but gets launched over the top big time. Kane and Show chokeslam Lashley and toss him over the top. Then Kane and Show go at it. They goozle eachother at the ropes and HHH dumps them both over the top. Out next is Carlito. #12 is Chris Benoit. He immediatly tangles with HHH and crossfaces Carlito. Up next is Booker T but he is dumped over the top immediatly by Benit who continues to brawl with HHH. #14 is Joey Mercury followed by Tatanka. Tatanka cleans house much to the fans delight. Out next is Johnny Nitro at #16 and he gets chopped down by Tatanka. The incredibly ugly Trevor Murdoch is up next. Rey skins the cat 3 times to avoid elimination. Number 18 is Eugene. He tries to shake hands with Murdoch but gets sucker punched and "hulks up." Airplane spin! Out next is Animal with his neon green shoulder pads (?). No eliminations for quite some time.
#20 is RVD. He was making his return from injury and this event. Huge pop for Van Dam. He eliminates Animal. Up next is Orlando Jordan. Man I forgot all about him. Following him is Chavo. Big Eddie chants for both Rey and Chavo. Chavo hits the 3 Amigos on Nitro and then goes up top for a frog splash but is pushed to the floor by HHH. Out next is Matt Hardy. Lots of folks in the ring, making this fun to watch. Hunter has a few near-eliminations. #24 is Super Crazy followed by Shawn Michaels. HBK is cleaning house and eliminates Murdoch. #26 is Chris Masters, back when he was still jacked. Out next is Viscera. Vis squashes Matt Hardy with a samoan drop and then attempts to fuck him in the ass and tosses him over the top.
#28 is Shelton and his momma. Eugene is eliminated by Benoit. #29 is Goldust. Goldust is back! The final entrant is Randy Orton and he eliminates Benoit. Vis is eliminated followed by Chris Masters. Goldust gives Carlito the shattered dreams but then gets eliminated by RVD. Jordan is eliminated by Orton. HBK eliminates both members of MNM. HBK superkicks Shelton over the top. Vinces music hits and he heads out the the ring. Vince jawjacks with Michaels and Shane McMahon appears in the ring and dumps him over the top rope. Shawn goes after Shane but gets cut off by HHH.
RVD eliminates Carlito with a kick. 4 remain. HHH, Mysterio, RVD and Orton. RVD and Mysterio strike a deal of sorts amd team up and team up for some cool double-team moves. Van Dam gets caught on the top rope and HHH launches Mysterio into him, eliminating RVD. Orton and H beat down Rey untill he hits a double DDT. Rey hits a double 619. He drops the dime on Orton but gets a lariat from HHH. Orton and HHH fight it out while Rey is down. Rey eliminates HHH with a body scissor. Orton and Rey remain. H pulls Rey out of the ring and throws him into the steps and then back in the ring. Orton has a big smile on his face. He picks up Rey into the powerslam position but Rey flips into a hurracanrana and eliminates Orton to win the 2006 Royal Rumble.
Tish is in the Instant Access area and Mickie James says she knew she'd do the right thing and that she loves her. Mickie leaves but Trish goes after her.
WM 22 ad.
Chavo, Dean Maleno and Benoit congradulate Rey, but are interrupted by Edge. He says its about time he won the big one and that he won't challenge Edge at WM.
Hype video for Cena vs. Edge.
John Cena vs. Edge - WWE Championship Match - they brawl to the floor early and Edge hides behind Lita which enables him to spear Cena into the steps. EdgÉ baseball slides Cena into the front row. Cena barely makes it in before the countout. According to a sign in the crowd, Shawn fears donut. Edge holds the advantage for several minutes. Cena misses a big leg drop off the top. Cena fights out of a choke and drops Edge with punches and a shitty blue thunder driver. Lita interferes but it backfires and she gets popped off the apron by Edge. Cena hits the FU and Edge taps to the STFU. Weak match.
Backstage Todd Grisham tries to interview Edge and Lita. Jim Duggan shows up and tells Lita she's a HOOOOOOOO!!
Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry - World Heavyweight Championship Match - Angle uses quickness to try and stay out of the clutches of the big piece of shit. Angle gets dumped to the floor and Daivari puts the boots to him. Henry locks on a bear hug for about 2 hours before Angle is able to take him over. He applies the ankle lock but Henry powers out. He tries an Angle Slam but Henry is too big but he is able to take him over with a German suples. He is able to hit the Angle Slam but Henry kicks out a two. The straps come down and he applies the ankle lock again and Henry again kicks him off, this time bumping the ref. Angle grabs a chair and clubs Daivari with it and then heads into the ring to use it on Henry but he blocks it and tosses Angle across the ring. Angle hits a low blow and clubs Henry with the chair twice to take him down. Henry kicks out at 2. Angle takes the cover off the buckle of the middle rope and drop-toe-holds Henry into it and pins him for the win. Themtahc was shit.
After the match the Undertakers music hits. Out come the Druids and 'taker on a horse drawn cart. Undertaker motions that he wants the belt and them shoots lightening out of his hands (!?) The ring collapses with Angle in it. Gay.
No comments:
Post a Comment